Midnight musings

Its so close to christmas; my most favourite festive seasons. Its almost midnight and I'm in bed trying to clear my laptop off unwanted pictures, documents and anything which irks a bad memory; almost as if I'm trying to clear my mind.

I found this photo of me from last year; taken around the same time. Things seemed a lot different back then. I was trying to find happiness in silly things, indulging in silly joys and just about keeping it together and putting on a brave face. For all i know; it did work. And I really was happy for all that it's worth.

I loved indulging in festive joys and the excitement which comes with it. It's strange because I didn't grow up celebrating this time of the year. My childhood doesn't have any memories which has the word 'Christmas' attached to it. My love for the festivity comes from watching umpteen english movies and grinning at the idea of Father Christmas bringing me presents (it's ok to believe in something even if its not true :D). I have and I still do fantasise on seeing a white christmas.

I waited the whole of 2014 to see the festive lights being lit up in town, to pick a christmas tree and choose each of the decorations, to buy more fairy lights and make my house all pretty and nice like last year. Things didn't quite turn out as planned and I'm back at my folks for Christmas and New year.

Although I didn't get to pick a tree or decorate it to my fancy, I feel a lot happier being at home; where christmas is just another normal day. I feel at ease and to some extent, I feel lighter and happier. Im at crossroads at the moment as few decisions are to be made and few choices are to be finalised. 

2014 has taught me a very bitter lesson. I felt obliged to keep people in my life who were not of any importance and were not adding any value to my life. In fact, they did just the opposite. I realised that there is ALWAYS a choice. Social ethics and other customary courtesies are not of any value, unless it adds positivity and happiness in life.

Im clueless of what 2015 has to offer me. Quite honestly, I'm extremely apprehensive and anxious about it. But 2014 has made me a lot braver, a lot resilient and a lot stronger. 

It think I can take it!

Merry Christmas Y'all!